I have depression, and I’m not a mass shooter.

Today, I went to therapy.

 You know why I went to therapy with a therapist today?

 Because I have depression (diagnosed). I probably also have anxiety. It’s undiagnosed, but working on getting a referral to see a psychiatrist to get that sorted out. And looking back, I think I’ve probably actually had those since I was a teenager and could have benefitted from medication and therapy, but there was a lack of education about mental illness, and now that I know better I’m doing better. You know why else I need to see a psychiatrist? To get sorted out what meds I need to be on to help with my depression and probably-anxiety. Because I was on Celexa, but it makes me basically unfunctionally exhausted, and my PCM is a GP who just doesn’t have the expertise to sort my meds out like a psychiatrist will.

 Do you know what Celexa is? It’s an antidepressant.

 So, to recap, I have one diagnosed mental illness, another that’s likely but not yet diagnosed, I take (or should be taking) medication to help me manage my mental illness, and I see a therapist. I have in the past been in hospital for suicidal ideation twice (in 2009), courtesy of a lovely cocktail of Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorders and a Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis-induced non-functional thyroid.

 Do you know what I’ve never once done or even considered doing? Shot a person, much less committed a mass shooting. I also have lots of other friends with a variety of mental illnesses, and do you know what we all have in common? It’s never caused us to go out and shoot someone, much less commit a mass shooting.

EVERY time there’s a mass shooting, and I do mean *EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME*, one of the first things that gets brought out *real* fast is that in order to stop mass shootings and reduce gun violence, we need to do something about mental illness, we need to institute mental health screenings as part of the attempt to curb mass shootings and gun violence, etc. And that, my friends, is able-istic BULLSHIT.

 Mental illness is not tied to committing mass shootings. In fact, I’d like to point you all towards this statement from the President of the American Psychiatric Association in response to the recent mass shootings in Texas and Ohio.

 “WASHINGTON — Following is the statement of APA President Rosie Phillips Davis, PhD, on the shootings in El Paso, Texas, and in Dayton, Ohio:

 “Our condolences are with the families and friends of those killed or injured in these horrific shootings and with all Americans affected every day by the twin horrors of hate and gun violence.

 “As our nation tries to process the unthinkable yet again, it is clearer than ever that we are facing a public health crisis of gun violence fueled by racism, bigotry and hatred. The combination of easy access to assault weapons and hateful rhetoric is toxic. Psychological science has demonstrated that social contagion — the spread of thoughts, emotions and behaviors from person to person and among larger groups — is real, and may well be a factor, at least in the El Paso shooting.

 “That shooting is being investigated as a hate crime, as it should be. Psychological science has demonstrated the damage that racism can inflict on its targets. Racism has been shown to have negative cognitive and behavioral effects on both children and adults and to increase anxiety, depression, self-defeating thoughts and avoidance behaviors.

 “Routinely blaming mass shootings on mental illness is unfounded and stigmatizing. Research has shown that only a very small percentage of violent acts are committed by people who are diagnosed with, or in treatment for, mental illness. The rates of mental illness are roughly the same around the world, yet other countries are not experiencing these traumatic events as often as we face them. One critical factor is access to, and the lethality of, the weapons that are being used in these crimes. Adding racism, intolerance and bigotry to the mix is a recipe for disaster.

 “If we want to address the gun violence that is tearing our country apart, we must keep our focus on finding evidence-based solutions. This includes restricting access to guns for people who are at risk for violence and working with psychologists and other experts to find solutions to the intolerance that is infecting our nation and the public dialogue.”

https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2019/08/statement-shootings

The whole statement is really good, but I’d especially like to emphasize this part as it specifically relates to this blog post.

 “Routinely blaming mass shootings on mental illness is unfounded and stigmatizing. Research has shown that only a very small percentage of violent acts are committed by people who are diagnosed with, or in treatment for, mental illness. The rates of mental illness are roughly the same around the world, yet other countries are not experiencing these traumatic events as often as we face them. One critical factor is access to, and the lethality of, the weapons that are being used in these crimes. Adding racism, intolerance and bigotry to the mix is a recipe for disaster.”

Sit and think about that for a minute. Let it sink in.

 “Routinely blaming mass shootings on mental illness is unfounded and stigmatizing.”

 I can personally attest to this. ESPECIALLY the stigmatizing part. 

 Every time you (general, since I’m pretty sure there will be people reading this who don’t do this) post something tying mental illness to mass shootings, you add to the stigma for your friends and family who have mental illnesses. It makes it so much more difficult to reach out for help when you have received the message that people with mental illness are dangerous monsters who might go commit a mass shooting. That kind of stigma is incredibly dangerous and directly contributes to people being afraid to reach out for help when they’re struggling. And the danger isn’t to the people around them, it is to them, because untreated mental illness all too often kills the people who have the mental illness.

 Yes, gun violence and these mass shootings are indescribably tragic and senseless. They are an utterly avoidable waste of innocent human life and source of completely unnecessary pain, suffering, and grief. But they aren’t the fault of mental illness, and targeting mental illness does the opposite of helping. It does absolutely nothing to reduce these events from being perpetrated, and only contributes to the dangerous stigma that surrounds mental illness. We absolutely need to address the plague of gun violence and mass shootings in the United States of America, but focusing on mental illness is not the way to do that. If you want to do something about mass shootings, start addressing racism, white male supremacy, misogyny, rape culture, and domestic violence. Start calling these mass shootings what they are: domestic terrorism, and treat them as such, and work to eradicate these vile worldviews that cause it, instead of stigmatizing mental illness. Lives depend on our willingness to shift the conversation and start rooting out the evils that cause people to perpetrate these acts of evil.

Do we need to address gun violence and mass shootings? Yes.

Do we need to improve the abysmal state of mental health care? Yes.

Are/should those two be tied together/part of the same conversation? Not just no, but an emphatic, absolute, unqualified HELL NO.

Work to find evidence based solutions to addressing gun violence and mass shootings. Work to implement sweeping reforms to the state of health insurance and mental health care in the U.S., also utilizing evidence based solutions. But please, for the love of everything and everyone, stop conflating the two problems. Stop demonizing people with mental illness. Stop stigmatizing mental illness and ignoring the HUGE role that white male supremacy, racism, misogyny, Domestic Violence, and rape culture play in gun violence and mass shootings. Start holding politicians accountable at the ballot box when they refuse to actually work on addressing the problems. Support the organizations that are saving the lives of people with mental illness. Support the research that also helps save lives.  Speak out against white male supremacy, racism, misogyny, DV, and rape culture. Speak up when you hear people spreading misinformation and stigma. Stop blaming innocent people because mental illness is a convenient and easy scapegoat.

 My name is Esther. I have depression, and I’m not a mass shooter.

 

 

Jesus said a thing, and it applies to how we treat immigrants and refugees

 

How can you claim Him but deny those He told you to care for?

In discussions about the way the USA treats immigrants and refugees, I regularly hear people who claim to be Christians say things like “well, maybe they shouldn’t be breaking the law coming here as illegal immigrants. Mary and Joseph didn’t break the law, so them fleeing a violent and oppressive regime to become refugees elsewhere is totally different.”

Ooooooh honey. No no no. There is so much there that you are getting wrong.

This is the comment I left in response to a comment along those lines today. And because I see this used as an excuse allll the time, I’m going to expand on it.

“There is so much wrong with that, both factually and logically.

1. Refugees are also being treated terribly, stripped of their families, coerced into not requesting asylum, and put into concentration camps with immigrants.

2. They [Mary and Joseph and baby Jesus] weren’t breaking the law? There’s kind of this part of the story where the decree passed by the head of state was a threat to the life of their child, and they defied the law and escaped.

3. How about Moses? Should his mom have obeyed the law and handed her son over?

4. Just because something is legal doesn’t make it right, moral, or ethical.

Enslavement of Black people was legal. Helping enslaved people escape, as well as being an enslaved person and escaping, broke the law.

The holocaust was legal. Hiding the people targeted by the Holocaust, helping them escape, and being part of the resistance were illegal.

Making black people sit in the back of the bus was legal. Refusing to move was illegal.

Being part of an interracial marriage was illegal.

Not allowing People of Color or women to vote or own property was legal.

A certain 13 colonies breaking free and forming their own country was illegal.

Apartheid was legal.

The Trail of Tears was legal.

Legality is not what determines whether something is right or wrong.”

Quite frankly, if you are someone who is justifying and defending our treatment of immigrants and refugees, not only in the sense of what is happening on the border but also in the sense of our turning away refugees from war torn countries that WE HAVE BOMBED, and in the sense of the Muslim ban that the SCOTUS just upheld, you disgust me, and you are in no way living what Christ Himself taught. Furthermore, you are the type of person who -in Germany – in various ways supported the Nazi regime during the Holocaust. And no, that is not hyperbole.

We helped create the situations people are fleeing from, we have created the system that makes it damn near impossible to come here “legally” if you’re poor or need to leave home quickly. And now, when they try to come here to escape the situations in their countries of our making, we strip these same people of their humanity and dignity, tear their families apart, put them in concentration camps, and punish them every way we can for daring to try to exist? What. The. Hell.

If you support this, don’t you DARE call yourself pro-life, and don’t you DARE say “all lives matter”. This stand is the very opposite of being pro-life and you are showing that you don’t actually believe all lives matter, you only believe they matter if they’re white US American lives, especially if they’re police, to include if they are police who have just played judge, jury, and executioner to a black person. You have blood on your hands through your support and justification of a system that is engaging in ruthless ethnic cleansing and heading down the path of genocide. You should be on your knees before God and the people you are wronging, begging for forgiveness.

Let me close, not with my own words, but with the words of Jesus Christ Himself, whom you claim to love and follow. Read this and see how well your actions match up with this.

Matthew 25:34-45

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

“He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’”

The “zero-tolerance” policy didn’t occur in a vacuum

I want to start by saying that I absolutely oppose ripping families apart and housing children in cages. The following post is not at all intended to justify, minimize, or excuse what has been happening on our southern border, but rather to give food for thought about the context, history, deeper implications, and further change that is needed. And if you’re someone who has exclaimed “I don’t recognize my country. This is not who we are!”, you need to pay attention too.

 

The “zero tolerance” policy did not come out of nowhere. The current state of affairs regarding how immigrants and asylum-seekers are being treated did not occur in a vacuum. The United States has a long and blood history of treating People of Color (POC) terribly, going all the way back to the first white explorers who fumbled their way across the sea and went on to rape, pillage, and intentionally inflict disease and death on indigenous peoples. Our colonialist history is rife with story after story of white people enslaving human beings because of the color of their skin and literally treating them even worse than animals. Our country’s foundation is built on the blood, sweat, tears, and backs of POC. And this is not the first time we’ve turned away refugees and immigrants fleeing bad situations. If you think it is, you should really do some research. Start with how we basically said “Screw you” to refugees fleeing the brutality of Hitler’s Nazi regime. We like to think of ourselves as the heroes in WW2, but the truth of the matter is that we took an isolationist approach that cost millions of innocent people their lives. When we did get involved, it was because the war was brought to our doorstep. And then, we committed some morally reprehensible and unnecessarily brutal acts in our pursuit of vengeance and “trying to bring an end to the war”.

 

Our country has long been involved in ripping apart families for the color of their skin and inflicting trauma on POC, including children. Our industrial prison system incarcerates POC for things they shouldn’t be incarcerated for, and benefits from their unpaid labor, while making little to no effort towards rehabilitation or restoration. We profit from their pain and incarceration. The school-to-prison pipeline is a very real thing and a big problem. Our treatment of Native American people is reprehensible. We justify and excuse and allow to go undealt with the rampant police brutality that regularly takes the lives of POC in what can accurately be described as state-sanctioned murder. And our treatment of immigrants from south of the USA has long been absolutely vile, under Presidents of both parties. President Obama earned the nickname “Deporter-in-Chief” for a reason. And when President Trump was campaigning leading up to the 2016 election, he told us exactly how poorly he thought of immigrants and that he wanted to treat them badly and wanted to further strip them of their humanity. But we, white USAmericans, didn’t listen. We have long been not listening to the POC trying to tell us how bad matters have been. We have ignored and shouted down and blown off the POC trying to tell us how much we needed immigration reform. We have refused to truly and fully acknowledge the fullness of our racist white-supremacist history and the amount of systemic racism that still exists.

What is happening right now is vile, and a violation of human decency, human rights, and US and international law. But it didn’t just suddenly pop up out of nowhere. And it’s not something that just one party allowed to happen. If we (white people) took a good hard look at ourselves, we’d find that in some way, all of us have held at least some responsibility and culpability in letting matters get to where they are, whether that’s be our actions or our inactions. Voting for politicians who enact and don’t fight against ingumane laws. Not teaching our children better. Not calling out racism and xenophobia when we see it.  Not working to hold our elected officials accountable. Not listening to the POC trying to tell us the truth about our history. Not acknowledging our history.

We have to start working for real change, but it needs to go much deeper than just pushing back against this one policy. And it has to start with taking a hard look at our own hearts and habits, with seeing where our own shortcomings lie. Change has to come from within to be true real lasting change. We have to acknowledge the racism that has made this possible, and we have to start working to uplift the POC doing the hard work here. We need to rip out the roots of anti-blackness that this country is built on. We need to examine the systems of oppression that have stolen so much from Native Americans. We need to take a hard look at the American Exceptionalism and colonialist underpinnings of our foreign policy. We must acknowledge the humanity of those we have tried for so long to dehumanize, and stop hiding behind the nonsensical idea that “Well, if they’d just follow our laws…” For one, something being law doesn’t make it right, moral, or ethical. And for another, we still kill and traumatize POC who follow the law, so that’s straight BS.

What is happening on our southern border isn’t ok, but it didn’t just come out of nowhere, it didn’t occur in a vacuum. We have allowed this to happen. It’s well past time to put a stop to it.

Police Brutality Is Not A New Problem

By now, you may have heard about a recent incident in Salt Lake City where SLC Detective Jeff Payne arrested University of Utah Hospital RN Alex Wubbels when she refused to allow him to take a blood sample from an unconscious victim of a car crash, because Payne didn’t have the consent of the victim, probable cause, or warrant needed by law and hospital policy to allow him to take a blood sample. It’s been all over the news, with many people up in arms about how Payne treated Wubbels, who has been hailed as a hero for standing up against the police in defense of her patient.

I’ve seen so many reactions from white people who are horrified and shocked. “OMG how could this have happened?” “I can’t believe a cop would treat a nurse this way, she was just following the law and the rules.” etc. etc. etc.

Now. Before we go any further, I want to make this clear: what Payne did was wrong. He was out of line to try to take that blood sample, and he was out of line to arrest Wubbels and to treat her the way he did.

But I have to ask: why are we surprised that it happened?

This incident didn’t occur in a vacuum, and it didn’t come out of nowhere. It’s not unprecedented at all. Police brutality is not a new problem. Police brutality has been a problem for pretty much since police first became a Thing, and it’s been pretty bad and been in the news a lot lately, with a whole movement aimed at bringing attention to the issue and trying to raise awareness and work for change, accountability, and awareness, we (white people) just usually don’t listen. What’s the difference?

Alex Wubbels is white.

POC have been talking to us for a while now about the police brutality they face. There have been countless news stories about POC heartlessly killed by police. Ironically, many of the same people outraged by Payne’s treatment of Wubbels are usually on the side of the police when we hear that they’ve taken yet another life. “Well, that person should have just gone along with what the police told them to do and then they’d still be alive.” “The police probably were afraid for their lives.” “Always do what the police say. I don’t have any sympathy for people who don’t do what the police say and then get in trouble.” “Why are you crucifying the police? We need to wait for all the details.” “You’re only looking at one side of things, why aren’t you looking at all sides of the story?” “I’m sure they had good reason.” But now that it’s a white woman, suddenly it’s ok to be outraged without needing to be worried about the cop’s feelings?

Hmmmmmmm…..

Police brutality is a very real problem. We have allowed police to basically do whatever they want to POC and we refuse to hold them accountable, we justify and excuse them and their behavior. We perpetuate this culture of toxic white supremacy and abuse of power. Frankly, I’m pretty short on patience for my fellow white people who want to clutch their pearls at what happened to Wubbels after basically giving the police a pass to do whatever they want without facing any repercussions. We sit here and basically tell them that it’s ok to enact violence on the people they’re supposedly sworn to protect, serve, and defend all the time. Yeah, eventually it’s going to happen to one of us, and we don’t have a whole lot of room to be shocked.

When I hear the discussions about Payne arresting Wubbels, you know what I think?

She’s lucky to be alive, and it’s probably because of how she looks.

You know who’s not still alive?

Rekia Boyd.
Sandra Bland.
Aiyana Stanley-Jones.
Tanisha Anderson.
Malissa Williams.
Yvette Smith.
Shereese Francis.
Tarika Wilson.
Kathryn Kohnston.
Alberta Spruill.
Kiwi Herring.
Charleena Lyles.

And so many more. This is not a comprehensive list of WOC killed by police.

If you’re truly shocked and upset by what happened to Wubbels, but you weren’t upset by what happens to POC at the hands of police, the first thing you need to do is ask yourself why that is. Then you need to ask yourself why you didn’t listen to the POC who tried to tell you that police brutality is a problem.

On Being a “Good Ally”: It’s Not About You

Today, let’s talk about being good allies/co-conspirators with oppressed/marginalized communities.

If you want to be a good ally/co-conspirator, realize that it’s not about you. Being a good ally/co-conspirator is not about getting cookies, accolades, praise, awards, and attention. It’s not about getting patted on the back because you’re so brave to speak up for what’s right and fighting against the oppression of human beings. It’s not about recognition and warm fuzzies. If those things are your motivation, you’re doing it wrong and you need to sit down and take a good hard look at yourself and rethink your methods. You probably need to sit down, be quiet, and listen. I know that it’s hard to accept criticism. I know it’s uncomfortable. TRUST me, I am intimately familiar with that discomfort. But instead of getting defensive and continuing to make it about you and why the people you claim to want/try to be an ally/co-conspirator with are so mean and you’re so hurt, stop and sit with your discomfort. Look deep within yourself and ask “WHY do I have such a negative reaction to the people I claim to want to be an ally/co-conspirator with/to/for calling me out on the ways I’m causing them further pain?”. Chances are very good that if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll find that your discomfort shines a light on a shadow of privilege and problematic behavior/thought patterns/beliefs/etc. And once you have seen that mess for what it is, you can start to weed it out.

And keep in mind that no matter how uncomfortable you are (whether it’s discomfort due to being called out by the people you claim to want to be an ally/co-conspirator to, or discomfort because of angry reactions from the people being confronted with their own problematic behaviors), keep in mind that your pain and discomfort is not equal and comparable to the pain and discomfort faced by the people you claim to want to be an ally/co-conspirator to. Example: let’s say there’s a man who says he wants to be an ally to feminists because he recognizes that sexism and misogyny are still very much alive and active institutionally and systematically as well as on individual levels. Let’s call him Bob. Bob, on a regular basis, speaks up about and against sexism and misogyny, to include calling other men out when they say and do sexist and misogynistic things. Bob is open about his support of feminists. Bob probably shares posts from websites and FB pages that promote intersectional feminism and from a variety of individual feminists in an attempt to signal boost their voices. Eventually (possibly sooner rather than later), people (probably mostly men) start lashing out at Bob. “HOW DARE YOU say sexism is a thing. How DARE YOU share that terrible #YesAllWomen hashtag. NOT ALL MEN!!!! OMG why are you divisive? You’re such a fucking idiot, Bob, and I don’t care who in the family I offend. Half the family has you blocked from their newsfeeds because you’re so offensive. You’re the one being sexist by saying this stuff.” and that’s probably just the tame responses. Over time, Bob gets more and more pushback. Bob probably loses some friends. Bob may even have family members who lash out, talk about him behind his back, block him, etc. People say some very hurtful things to Bob.

Bob’s pain is very real. It sucks to have people lash out at you when you speak up for what’s right, especially when it’s people who claim to love you and have previously claimed to just LOVE how passionate you are about your advocacy for other people and for doing what is right (but that’s only when your cause doesn’t make them uncomfortable by confronting their sexism/racism/LGBTQ antagonism, Islamaphobia, white supremacy, etc.). Bob is perfectly justified in being hurt and upset that his loved ones treat him like this. But even though Bob is in pain, Bob needs to realize that the pain he feels and the discomfort he feels due to negative reactions to his allyship is NOT the same as the pain experienced by women due to institutional and systemic oppression and marginalization on top of the same on an individual level. The pushback he gets for speaking up is NOT the same as the lived experiences of women, and he should not compare the two and try to put them on the same level. Bob needs to understand that speaking up is a choice that he makes, and he can choose to step back if he needs a break, whereas women don’t get to step back from being a woman when exhaustion hits because they’ve been living under the oppression since birth. Bob still has his male privilege and the privilege of taking a breather if he chooses/needs to.

This example applies far more generally, not just to men trying to be feminist allies. If you’re trying to be an ally with members of a marginalized/oppressed group, you DO NOT get to compare any discomfort/pain you experience with the pain and lived experiences of people who are members of that group. Being an ally and experiencing angry reactions from people who are unhappy having their privilege and problematic/oppressive behavior and words called out is not the same as experiencing the oppression experienced by the people you want to ally with. Your lived experience is not and will never be the same as theirs. Being an ally doesn’t make you a member of the community, and trying to say it does and force your way in takes space away from the people who actually do belong to that community, and that’s not ok. It’s not ok for Bob to go into a feminist space and make the feminist space about him, and then get angry and lash out at women who say “Dude, not cool, not ok, BTW you’re mansplaining too now and you’re being condescending and talking over me, and you’re being a crappy ally. Stop it.” It’s not ok for Bob  to go into what are supposed to be safe spaces for women and make those spaces about him. It’s not ok for Bob to take space away from the women who need it.

As a cis-gender woman and feminist, I can say that I don’t expect male allies to get their allyship with feminism right the first time. I realize there’s a learning curve, and that we are all growing and progressing as we move through life. I’m certainly not perfect, and I have made mistakes in my attempts to be an ally, and I will again in the future. That’s one reason I know that sitting with your discomfort can help you learn and grow, and reacting defensively and closing off your ears while insisting you’re right does the opposite, and can drive away the people you claim you want to help, and can mark you as not being a safe person. Being open to listening and learning, realizing you’re not perfect and you will ALWAYS have more to learn and more growing to do, is vital.

If you want to be a good ally, if you want to do the right thing by standing up for what’s right and using your privilege to speak up against oppression, that’s great. Realize that that’s going to come with discomfort and pain. Doing the right thing often does. When you get criticism and pushback from the people you’re trying to be an ally/co-conspirator with, stop and listen, and try to determine how you can apply it to your life. Don’t compare your discomfort with the pain caused by systemic oppression. Remember, it’s not about you. If you’re making it about you, something is wrong and you need to step back, sit down, be quiet, and listen.